I recently read a quote that said, “I’m a single mom.  What’s your super power?”  With a show of hands, how many of you resemble that remark?!?  It is the hardest thing I think I have ever done, in part because the weight of the task has such far reaching and long lasting implications for a completely innocent child.  A single parent has to fill every role in the home with their children, a job that was designed for two people to handle.  We have double the stress, double the worry, double the lack of time and lack of sleep, double the responsibility, half the amount of income-at best, no help with sick days or missing work because of the children and the list could go on and on.

But one of the most difficult things to deal with is an ex that is less than desirable to get along with, financially irresponsible and never puts their responsibility of being a dad first.  Unfortunately, most single parents do not have a good relationship with their ex or the extended family for various reasons.  In my case, I got along with all of the extended family because for the most part, they sided with me in the divorce.  But like most families and friends, because they were his family we still lost touch eventually out of loyalty to my ex.  But you can’t NOT deal with the dad if he’s there in any measure.

I have been divorced for almost 13 years now.  And communicating with my ex has only recently gotten better, within the past year or so.  We actually spoke for over an hour on the phone yesterday and I was able to witness to him and tell him about the love of God.  This has only been the second time in all these years I have been able to bring that up with him.  I was so grateful and humbled by the opportunity.  You see, I have problems just like everyone else, big ones sometimes.  The only difference between me and the next person is my faith in God.

My ex feels so bad about himself, lacking in confidence and esteem, from wrong choices he’s made his whole life.  He feels guilty and continually beats himself up with his thoughts and the things he speaks about himself.  I got the opportunity to share a little bit about how he is not the problem, his choices and actions are the problem.  I told him not to talk about himself that way and share about how the power of life and death is in the tongue.  At one point in the conversation he said something like I was a better person than him and he always knew it.  I was always nice, kind, giving and forgiving…

But the truth is, I’m not.  I am an imperfect mess!  I shared with him some of my imperfections, just like his, and that those traits were my natural inclinations.  The only difference between me and him was the love of God.  God makes the difference even when I don’t want to.  Because of His perfect gift of love I am able to make a better choice in a confrontation with him.  I am able to keep my tongue in check around my son and not say anything negative about his father to him.  Trust me when I say, it is only the love, grace and mercy of an Almighty God that would keep me in check with these types of issues.

There are many parents out there with much worse stories.  Families are still going through difficult times, divorces, court dates, visitation fights, financial struggles, the loss of jobs, and parenting hard times all around.  Each and every one of us are imperfect and need a safe harbor to return to.  I speak from experience when I say the greatest source of peace, love and patience is the Heavenly Father.

In 1 Corinthians Paul is addressing the church in Corinth.  The church is struggling with their outside environment and how corrupt it had become.  They were feeling immense peer pressure to succumb to this lifestyle.  Paul writes about issues in the church, how to treat people in the church that are in sin, how to unify the church body, proper worship in the church and other issues to teach Christians how to behave in their society and as Christ followers in their church.  It’s no coincidence that amongst all the issues of strife Paul deals with in Corinthians, one of the last things he teaches on is love.

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices  with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails……But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13-13

Before Paul talks about prophesying and using spiritual gifts to edify and reach others for Christ, he teaches them what love is and what love isn’t.  And at the close of the passage, he says, “and now these three remain:  faith, hope and love…”  Faith is the foundation or our relationship with Christ and of the message of Christ to the world.  Hope is the attitude and never wavering focus of setting our eyes on the prize of knowing what God has in store for those with faith.  But even after such a great thing as faith, Paul says love is even greater.  Love is UNSELFISH service to others.  Love shows you care regardless of opinion, absent of your own judgment of someone.  Love is faith in action.  The Great Commission gives Christians the charge to GO!  Love is the action of us reaching a hurting world.

I know it isn’t easy when you are dealing with someone who ignites such a strong stirring of emotion.  Our children are our hearts.  We want to protect them, nurture them, give them a better life and opportunities that what we had and how we feel we have failed them.  A parent’s love is immeasurable and irrational.  And it’s not even the greatest love.  Imagine how much more God loves us….ALL of us.  His action of love toward us was to give His son as a sacrifice so that we might come to know Him.

We may not ever put the broken family pieces back together on this Earth.  And in spite of the difficulty you may be having with an ex spouse or whoever it is that is causing such turmoil in your life, God loves them, too.  They are the same broken vessel you once were and deserve God’s mercy, grace and love just as much as you or I.  God can restore your family, if not here then in eternity.  Would you be willing to make the same sacrifice He did and lay down  your anger, bitterness, resentment, and hurt and show love and mercy toward them?  Show them God.